Concrete

All of a sudden my bed has turned into a slab of hard cement. Seemingly overnight I have begun to wake up with sore apendages. If this is some sort of Princess and the Pea scenario then yes, I can feel the anvil you have placed under my box spring. I wake up feeling like I have slept on a hard floor all night. You know that feeling as well I'm assuming. Every point that was in contact with the surface is aching and sore and you wonder if someone was beating you with a canoe paddle all night in your sleep.

I hate to say this all started the day I officially entered my third trimester because it didn't - it happened two days before. I'm hoping this is just temporary and not what I have to look forward to for the next 2 1/2 months. It's like the day toddlers turn 2 and flip some sort of switch and start smearing things on all your walls. My switch has been flipped. I have ordered a new mattress topper to see if that will alleviate the pain a little.

Because to me there is no greater injustice than waking up before your alarm goes off. Those are minutes I'd like to spend deep in slumber and not being pissed off that I am awake.

Until then here I am just a little bit crabby.

Missing you

I have the distinct pleasure of getting to taste most of my food twice. Its a good thing that I'm a good cook because otherwise the pleasure would be all gone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not regurgitating anything - just little hiccups here and there after eating. Not like my next door neighbor last night who was in the process of evacuating the contents of his stomache into his commode which I could very clearly hear through our paper thin walls. And the weird part was that I should have been grossed out. I've never been able to handle that sort of thing well but I just stood there...listening. And I had no one to share it with. Yes, its disgusting and who would want to share in that experience with me? Ricky. And he's not here.

And he won't be here for weeks. And weeks. All in all 3 months. And I miss him.

And since he's been gone I have realized how much my world revolved around him. Taking care of him, spending time with him, just being in the same room as him. And now I only have myself to take care of. Sometimes I cook, sometimes I don't because I don't have anyone else to take care of.

The first Saturday he was gone I kept myself busy for about 5 hours and then as I was sitting on the couch later that night I thought to myself "3 months of this?"

So I'm working on getting a hobby and socializing more. Honestly my focus is more on a hobby right now because I'm kind of a home-body. But I'm going to try and get out more. The big news is I'm in the market for a new sewing machine. I want something electronic that makes great button holes (according to my mother). If you have any advice or seem to preferance one brand over another please let me know. Who knows, maybe when Ricky comes back in 3 months I will have sewed up a storm! He can have his own puffy shirt to wear on rotations.

Into it

I decided to embrace being pregnant today. I have a stomach that sticks straight out like a bullet, my belly button shows through everything and people stare. And that's ok.

I should be enjoying this instead of trying to pretend like it's not happening. I can still be cute - I might actually have better fashion going on right now than ever before. Besides, when can I enjoy being pregnant while sitting on the couch without screaming kids?

And I can't help but smile every time I feel a kick. I love to watch my skin get stretched around by the baby moving. I'm so in awe of it that I often grab whoevers hand is close by and make them feel it too.

These days I've got more of a smile than a panicked look. Besides, now that my stomach is so big my butt looks a lot smaller... Amazing.

Don't throw the baby out

I avoid the couch unless Ricky is home. And since he has been gone during the week and home on weekends only for the past 3 weeks I have spent a lot of time sitting at the kitchen table. I just can't deal with the soft cushions. They suck me in and then what can I say? I just can't get up. There is a disconnect between my brain synapses and my legs and they can't work in tandem when confronted with the almighty couch.

I am so in over my head. So far in this pregnancy I have tried to mostly avoid thinking about it. I kind of pretend like it's not happening until I do something like piddle on myself accidentally like I did two weeks ago and then it is suddenly VERY apparent that I am indeed pregnant.

I went to LA a few weeks ago for a friends wedding and got to have a mini-baby shower for myself and another good friend with our friends that live there. And my friend who is also pregnant was a fountain of baby product knowledge. She has researched everything that could possibly be related to babies. Seriously, you should hear her - impressive. And I did listen. I listened to her and our friend who is already a mother discuss the virtues of various strollers and other things and that's when my heart sank.

I have no idea about any of this stuff.

Sure, I've been around kids a lot. I nannied for my nephews every other day. I know babies. I know how to work a stroller. That's the problem. I know how to work a stroller - not anything about what kind of stroller I want. There are too many. And this goes for all baby products.

I just can't do it. First, I don't want a lot of stuff. Second, I don't want to spend time and money trying to figure all of this out.

What happened to just keeping the baby in a basket all of the time?

Picture Message

So I guess I'll have to remember this from now on:

And Ricky will have to remember this: