Sunday, September 28, 2008

Learning Shmerning

So...occasionally I get curious and I watch something on TV that is educational.  It usually happens on sundays because there is nothing else on anyway and hey, sometimes I like to get me educated without reading a book.  In fact, I learn so much better when I can just lay there and absorb all the colors and pictures and smart talking.  Maybe I should have done distance learning and finished my degree in 6 years, not 7.  But I was going through the channel guide and happened upon Nova - a show I feel you have to invest full attention in and so I rarely attempt it.  But I knew I had a solid hour to invest so I gave it a shot hoping it would be something crazy cool.  I was NOT disappointed.  I present:


The story of black holes and one in particular hidden deep inside the milky way, which is the center of our galaxy FYI.  It was incredible.  I mean really incredible.  I was so into it that I realized that I had been sitting on the floor in front of the tv for 35 minutes with my mouth open.  Just wide open staring at the screen trying to fathom what a black hole is going to do to me.  I was so into it that when my madre who has a broken foot asked me to come help her hang up her dress I was incensed and muttered something about how she was making me miss vital information about our galaxy.  She didn't care.  And then finally!  They answered the question that had been burning in my brain the whole time.  What would happen if a person got too close to a black hole and was sucked in?  The force would be so great sucking you into the black hole that your body would be stretched from the top and bottom in opposite directions until you snapped in half.  And then those two halves would split and so on and so on.  In the words of one of the scientists you would be what they called "spaghetti-fied".  I prefer aldente myself.  

But you know what I really took away from this hour of education?  Not that a red dwarf implodes and becomes a supernova, no.  I learned that the reason I am not the top dog at anything really is because I have great hair.  All the top smarty-pants in the world have terrible, frizzy, dry and undyed hair.  You have to be so dedicated to your schtick  that you throw out all cares of personal appearance and no amount of energy and gases and cosmic dust could convince me to do that.  Uh-uh.  

And if you are wondering what exactly is a black hole then good luck.  Even the frizzy haired science nerds can't explain it.  But basically its an area of space that you can't see and they can't explain that sucks things in it.  Albert Einstein didn't like them because he said they were unnatural and weird.  If you really want to freak yourself and your loved ones out then click or copy and paste on this PBS link, 

Check out Gregory Benford's explanation.  Bone-chilling.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

All good things must come to an end

Farewell my little friend.  When I purchased you in Honduras a year and a half ago I had no idea just how much a part of my life you would become.  I vowed to never take you off until your little strings gave up and unraveled themselves.  I stuck by that promise.  Rain, shine, showers, wedding photos - you were always a part of my world.  I periodically tightened your strings as a nervous habit just to make sure that you stayed safe and sturdy.  I got used to having a built in decoration and I incorporated your vivid colors into whatever I accessorized.  I couldn't think of a better compliment to my saints bracelets and sterling silver links and I'm sure my other jewelry would agree.  But on sunday as I looked down at my wrist with important pictures looming in just an hour I made a judgement call and decided to remove you.  I waved off the hands to my right and left who offered their help because I knew that I had put you there and I alone must remove you.  I sighed, fiddled with the ties and took a moment to remember all our good times together.  I mean, how many other people can say that they wore something for a year and a half without EVER taking it off?  Truly rare.  And I am truly sad.  After it was all over with I turned you over and over in my hands and wondered if maybe I had made a rash decision.  I made a vow and I broke it.  So what if you were immortalized in my pictures forever?  You are in everyone else's pictures too.  But alas, what's done is done.  I toyed with the idea of just putting you back on but it just wouldn't be right.  Our time together has come to an end.  No longer will conversations about the greatest weekend of my life be sparked by your presence. were the best 75 cents I EVER spent.


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Moving on the West Side


I'm moving.  Away.  Moving away for the first REAL time.  Moving west with all the idealists hoping to find streets paved in gold and if I'm really lucky, cheese.  Gouda cheese, my favorite.  Other than that I'm just looking forward to the usual money growing on trees and the moon hitting my eye like a BIG pizza pie.  Los I come.

I don't exactly have a job waiting for me when I pull off Santa Monica Blvd. and into my parking garage.  Yup, I don't have a job and I don't have an iron to smooth my "please give me a job clothes".  It gets better.  I don't have a job, or a bed, or space to unpack my stuff.  I'm moving in a month before the girl whose contract I'm taking is moving out.  We are going to be such a happy family - all five of us and my air-mattress.  Taking long walks together in the dusk and laughing about the "urban camper" who lives in a tent in our alleyway.  We'll all laugh hearty, belly laughs as the person I'm replacing trips over my stuff in the living room as she tries to pack for her upcoming wedding.  We'll sip tea as we have "girl talk" on my bed until someone sits down and throws off the air balance and makes me spill my tea everywhere.  There will be long talks in the morning as the three of us share a mirror and one sink in the bathroom.  Hmmmmmm......heaven.

Actually, I'm mostly freaking out about the fact that they don't have cable.  By choice.  Thats when pro-choice is taken too far.  What am I supposed to do while I "look for a job"?  Shameful.  And let's be honest, half my identity is wrapped up in TV.  I have nothing to say that is non-tv related.  I'll be so out of touch with what is happening right outside my door.  

For years I've been pushing the adage: "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have".  But I'm having trouble figuring out how to get across a stylish, classy, wealthy woman who watches The Soup, wants to be a VJ on MTV, host her own travel show and write advice columns for a magazine and who gets to sit front row at New York fashion week.  Ideas?