Wednesday, January 30, 2008

True love is what brings us

I discovered a new kind of love today: all-weather love.  I was fighting my way through the bitter morning cold on my way to class today when I noticed a couple in front of me holding hands, with no gloves.  NO GLOVES!!!  I could hardly believe my eyes or my cold cashmere-lined leather gloved fingers!  So I began to survey the land and noticed a few more couples braving the cold just to let their digits become one with each other.  "This must really be love" I thought to myself.  What else could it be?  No one who just liked or greatly esteemed or even 'loved spending time with' someone else would sacrifice the warmth of their hand to be closer to that person.  After all, you lose most of your body heat through your feet, head and hands.  It's not like two hands together will heat up automatically.  Two cold hands together are just two cold hands together.  A gesture like this should have left me touched and awed, but all it left me was incredulous.  There is no way I would do that.  No matter how much I liked someone or their fingers.  It's too cold!  Why not just walk closely together and at least benefit from some body heat or more surface area to be able to walk steadily through the heavy wind?  To these people I say, are we not human?  If we are exposed to cold do we not chill?  It is not me who is crazy, but you - for I have seen the mark of frost bite and it is not pretty.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Adult Education

I've been "tagged".  No, no one has snuck up on me in the middle of the night to spray-paint me with their creative gangsta name.  I have inevitably been hit with the blogging phenomenon they call "tagging" which means I have to answer a list of questions given to me that will enlighten the 5-7 (depending on the day) people who read my blog.  Basically its a chain letter masquerading as something fun. {Now let me pause: Dear Darise, Never mind my introduction.  I am in fact glad you tagged me because I never pass up a good chance to inform more people about the small idiosyncrasies that I am made up of.  So thank you.}  Ok.  I took one look at the questions offered and decided they were not for me.  I usually never take recommendations that seriously, hence the large scar on my right shin where I went for jumping between the large boulders instead of the recommended walking around.  So I have decided to make my own lists.  

SMELLS I HATE: Bowling alleys, libraries, weed, fingers after handling money and tar.

SMELLS I LIKE: Cinnamon, mens cologne most of the time (and yes, I do still like Hugo so shut-up), gasoline, rubber cement, onions cooking and curry.

THINGS THAT MAKE MY HEAD SPIN: Quantum physics, the space-time continuum, math, people who can't smell an MLM from a mile away, why people insist on wearing denim on denim and the show "momma's house".

5 THINGS YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ME: 1-I've probably been mad at all of you at LEAST once without you knowing it 2-I flex in the mirror more than you would think 3-I congratulate myself out-loud on a job well done 4-I rarely remember names, but always what a person was wearing 5-I've lost most of my shame as evidenced by most of my actions on a daily basis.

THINGS I DO WHEN I'M ALONE.....ALL ALONE: Pick my nose, sit-ups, more flexing in the mirror.....

I CAN'T LET GO OF: chips and salsa.

I HAVE OVERWHELMING URGES TO: punch someone in the face, buy a one way plane ticket somewhere - anywhere, snap at a stranger just because, slap everyone's backside, buy more and more jeans, scratch during movies and be on TV.

GIFTS I WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE: A gift-card to the RIGHT store, a cheesecake, movies I talk about all the time, a plane tickets, anything L.A.M.B., The Golden Girls DVDs and no one bothering me for a whole day. 

WHAT I THINK IS MOST IMPORTANT: loyalty, loyalty, loyalty.

VICES: Candy canes, charleston chews, pork chops, clothes, shoes, and people - I will ditch most anything to hang-out with those I love.

I GET NERVOUS...: on the first day of a new job, when approaching the airport before flying, around a crush, holding my purse in large crowds, having my arms and/or legs pinned down, when people run up the stairs behind me and walking past 15 yr olds with automatic weapons in third world countries.  

Hope you enjoyed it. I fully expect some comments so go ahead, hit me.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Matthew 6

It seems the world has been losing some good people lately what with my mothers BF Miriam and Heath Ledger.  In these times of sorrow who doesn't need a few more prayers?  I know I do.  So in our time of need (it's sooo cold) -  and because I have been thinking a lot about bread for some reason - the Lord's prayer has been stuck in my head (well, just the first part because I don't really know it - I looked it up because just because I rock La Virgin up above doesn't mean I know what I'm talking about).  So here it is in case you can't remember:

Give us this day our daily bread ( or pineapple turn-over on the right)
And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation (Marc Jacobs), but deliver us from evil:
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Keeping Score

See this guy?  Take a good long look at him.  Take in the ultra side-parted hair and high school t-shirt.  Just imagine the metallic braces hiding behind that innocent smile.  Picture him face-planting on the lane while bowling under the name "Lord Bane".  This naive, sweet boy was the target of a cruel, cruel joke - perpetrated by none other than me.  See, there are a number of sweet awkward freshmen in my bowling class that I have befriended.  I love them, plain and simple.  I remember when I was a freshmen and the upperclassmen took me under their wings and now I'm just trying to repay the favor.  It was Thursday and we were being given a lesson on how to maximize our bowling game by spiffing-up our shoe rentals.  We were presented with small wirey brushes to scrape the bottom of our shoes with to remove excess gunk before lightly dusting them with sawdust to help us glide down the wooden planks.  Naturally everyone began to inspect the bottom of their shoes to see just how gross they were.  The verdict: pretty gross.  Suddenly I had a great idea!  I approached Lord Bane and offered him a dollar to lick the bottom of his bowling shoes.  He was a little hesitant, but I could tell he was thinking about it.  "Show me the dollar" Lord Bane insisted.  I went to my wallet and pulled out a not-so crisp dollar bill and went back.  "Here you go" I said as I snapped the dollar back and forth in front of him.  "Mmmmm" I said as I sniffed the dollar, "this smells like a nice snack for your enjoyment while bowling" I pushed.  He looked, he pondered, he paused, he LICKED THE BOTTOM OF HIS BOWLING SHOES!!!!  "That was AWESOME!" I assured him as I dutifully placed the dollar in front of him.  And instead of laughing with me all the other bowling buddies began to chastise me.  WTF!!!  Who, when in the same situation, wouldn't have done the exact same thing as me?  Am I the only one left who likes to offer money to do stupid things?  "That was really mean" my other freshmen said.  "What do you mean?" I asked.  "No one forced him to do it.  I gave him the money" I said defending myself.  And sure enough, everyone else I have told has had nearly the same reaction.  Is it because I'm a girl?  Is there a double-standard for gross bets too?  I'm sick of this.  What's next?  Being looked down on for wearing old spice deodorant?   

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

It's recruitment time

So...I was sitting in the Clyde Building again minding my own business doing some online HEPE and I see this guy out of the corner of my eye making his way down the long table with some flyers.  When he finally got to me at the end of the table I saw a flyer slide across the table right next to me so I looked up.  He began to talk and point in the direction behind me.  I just sat there watching his mouth moving and finger wagging.  I don't think it occurred to him that I couldn't hear a word he was saying.  I had my head phones in and was blasting a little Pretenders "brass in pocket" as he was so dutifully informing me about... something.  It was so surreal just watching him mouth along to the song - but not really.  So I just smiled and kept watching him go on and on.  Finally when he smiled and walked away I actually looked at the flyer and saw this:
A way to accelerate my leadership with the help of ETSC (engineering and technology student council)!  Finally!  I had just hit my leadership plateau and was looking for a way to shake things up.  But then I looked closer and realized that I know the man in the photo.  We went to high school together.  He is 'juggling guy'.  You know, the token kid who rides a unicycle and juggles at lunch feeling pretty good about himself.  I'll leave his name out for his sake even though its burned on my brain.  Everyone knows 'juggling guy's name still.  What's even better is that he also used to drive an old army jeep to school and the jocks would always put it into neutral and move it to the most inconvenient places while he was in class.  But from the looks of that flyer it seems the 'juggling guy' is doing all the moving nowadays.  Don't worry 'juggling guy', your secrets safe with me.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

King Pin

I miss TV.  If TV were a person it would be my closest confidant.  Only TV knows what I really watch when I'm alone.  I just realized tonight as I was finishing up a chapter of math work (I could barely get that out without puking) that it has been days since I sat down to watch, really watch TV.  And I just realized that I may or may not have missed the premiers of both Rob and Big and the new Challenge on MTV - so unlike me.  The 15 min that I caught of the Golden Girls doesn't count, it was just an appetizer.  I skipped out on fun last night to bury my head in population statistics and excel sheets, I don't even like excel that much.  All work and no play makes Laquina a dull girl.  Well, I did play a little tonight during bowling...but that is technically still school.  I decided I needed to man up and begin integrating a 10lb. ball with my usual 9lber.  I'm strength training my bird-like wrists so that one day I can shop for my targeted 8 hrs without developing shopping-arm.  Those in my league will understand.  I also gave myself a new bowling name: XTERMNATR.  A slight change from my old break-dancing name: X-TINGUISHA.  The good thing about bowling is that you can reinvent yourself each new class period.  Who knows, maybe this thursday I'll be RAMBO or PRTYGRL.  How about QTCOED, or something really ominous like BLDSPLTR?  As always I'm accepting any suggestions.  Keep in mind I have little to no competition in this department; today I was next to Lenny and Samwise.  C'mon. 

Friday, January 11, 2008

Sophie's other choice

I've never cut my nails for anyone or anything.  See, God gave me two things I'm sure of: high quality eye-lashes and great nails.  For years my piano and cello instructors told me I needed to cut my nails for optimal performance.  They were wrong.  My fight or flight instinct took over and I adapted all activities to be done, and done well, with long beautiful nails.  I never minded the extra clicking on the piano and computer keys, and I didn't let the my job in the law library last year stop me from getting fabulously ghetto airbrushed nails.  No, no one is going to make me cut them.  On wed. night my calligraphy teacher told us that the ladies in class need to keep their nails short and I leaned over to the lady next to me and said "no way" as I showed her why.  She admired the length and curve of my nail beds, naturally, as I sat there smugly knowing that I was not going to bow to the unreasonable demands set before me.   But as I began to actually bowl in my bowling class last night I had to watch as my thumb nail began to be torn away - torture.  The house bowling balls just aren't conducive to long nails.  So I made an executive decision and decided I needed to cut them.  The only thing I hate worse than cutting my nails short is watching them break and tear.  So, ladies and gentleman, get your back and arms scratches in this weekend before they disappear for the next two months.  I'm having a liquidation sale for back-scratches in church this Sunday.  The one benefit is that I can experiment more with nail polish colors.  Dark polish always looks better on nicely manicured short nails. amount of filing, calcium supplements or Sally Hansen age correct growth treatment could save my nails from my 9 lb. purple-swirled bowling ball of choice.  

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Movie Quotes

I've been muttering things under my breath for the last couple of days.  Unpleasant things.  Put the earmuffs on your kid type things.  I can't stop.  Every toe stub, skank-eye, deficient credit and slow internet I come upon becomes showered with things that would make a mediocre sailor blush.  I feel like Ralphie from A Christmas Story, ready to tackle and punch to smithereens any bully who happens to catch me on a bad day.  Not to worry, I have reigned myself in so far.  I just know that any night now I'm going to have a dream where I try and punch someone and my arm will only move in slow motion like its in gallons of water.  I hate that dream.  Its almost sooo satisfying going to punch someone and then sooo frustrating when you can't.  I had declared my theme for 2008 to be "It's MY turn".  But it seems that I might have to re-theme this year as the "Battle of wills", or even "the battle of who could care less".  I thought this summer was going to test my will to succeed but this year just might take the cake.  The problem is that I feel this overwhelming sense of entitlement.  I feel like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde when she is checking the list for the prestigious internship with Callahan's law firm and says, "..that means there is only one place left for......ME!".  Well I want that place, and I'm going to clothesline anyone who tries to get in the way.  Not to be overly dramatic, but it's time.  I need to move on from this stage of life.  And just like Bruce Willis in Die Hard, I want to be able to yell out "Yipee-ki-ay mother-*$&&#*@!" as I take the stage on graduation day this April.  

Monday, January 7, 2008

Serpico - Nacimiento

I've been feeling blah since yesterday.  Scholastically things just haven't been working out so great for me.  I had a registration hold, I had to switch my schedule around and my counselor (who I met for the first time today) told me I'm 10.5 credit hrs deficient for graduation.  I have fulfilled my core requirements, these are just electives.  What?  Stupid.  I have to take more classes just because?  But I don't want to.  I want to graduate.  So now I'm stuck trying to work my way around the system thanks to the genius of my counselor.  No really, Counselor are a genius.  He suggested I test out of the lower-level Spanish classes to rack up some credits.  Someone get this man a medal!  But even with life-saving Counselor Craig behind me I'm still in a bad mood.  If you are at all curious what I'm like during a bad mood you should come over to my house.  Its surprisingly anti-climactic.  Even I'm disappointed in how not bad my bad mood is.  On a lighter note I'm taking another class with class bro.  Today he got after me for being friendly to other people in class today.  So I said, "look... 2008 is MY year.  So it's my turn to make friends.  Capiche?"  I'm feeling pretty tough.  And may your first child be a masculine child.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

I can parquear my own car, thank you very much

I think I ate a bug tonight. I'm 97% sure I did. I was eating fries for dinner (yes, for dinner) and a bug flew down and tried to share one of my fries with me. I over dramatically began shaking the fry in an effort to fling the bug into space but it wouldn't. Its highly adaptable, sticky feet clung on for dear life. So I decided to break off the piece of fry containing the bug and continue eating. I had finished the fry and moved on to the cole slaw when my padre refilled my plate with more hot, perfectly salted home-made fries. My eye was immediately drawn to the shortest fry which I popped in my mouth, only to remember why it was so small; it had a bug on it. I stopped mid-chew and began to spit it out. I tried to be stealth about it but when I began digging out the fry pieces from my teeth with both hands I caught the attention of everyone else. "It had a bug on it" I said to the inquiring eyes. "I was eating a bug" I continued when I didn't sense any sympathy. I mumbled "gross" as a last resort. Nothing. "protein, its good for you" said my padre. Typical padre comment. Wow, that protein should keep me full for at least a couple of days - thanks everyone.

On another note, check out the sign i saw in the Fashion District of LA, aka the Tijuana of Tinsel Town:
Por rent, or for rent? Como what? I hablo the espanglish. If you need it translated let me know, I'd be happy to hacerlo for you.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Its always sunny in Los Angeles

Today while Stasy was working I decided to take her trusty 'ole schwinn out for a spin. I rode up to Westwood to walk around and do a little shopping.
I decided to go to the Active store up the street from where I parked the bike, but decided to walk up another block and then come back around. By the time I came around the block again the street in front of Active was all taped off and full of cops. I couldn't figure out exactly what happened but I did see some cops coming out of a jewelry store next door. I guess I can take this two ways; either I'm lucky to have not gone there straightaway or I should have gone first so I could have shopped there. Either way, I didn't let this small setback stop me. After I was done sight-seeing I decided to head back home. On the way I stopped by a French bakery for a pan au chocolate. It was, how do you say, Magnifique!
So I headed back home on Santa Monica Blvd. on my bike, listening to my Ipod and carrying a bag with pastries. I got quite a few stares - apparently people don't ride bikes much around here.....with pastries.

Another relaxing sunny afternoon in LA!

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The real M'coy

OK, now for the real story. I've sifted through all the fluff to bring you the real nitty gritty. I saw the Hollywood sign for the first time! I've been to LA a couple of times and never seen it.
We opted out of going to see it up close, I didn't want to ruin my shoes. Now for the REAL New Years Festivities. We got ready at Stasy's...
Got down at Todd's...
Took it to the next level....
Took time out for the fans...
Headed for Maggie's where we indulged our every whim...
And ended the night like all should be ended - passed out..
New Years resolutions? Who needs 'em this year.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


New Year's started out just fabulously...

Then things took a turn for the worse....

Then kept going down hill.....

And who could have predicted how it would end?

I don't remember bringing a lasso last night, but I ended up with one *shudder*. Los Angeles: city of decadence beyond control.

(These photos were found on my phone the next morning)