Friday, August 31, 2012

Continental Divide

It has literally been over a year since I wrote something on this blog.  I hope it has been sufficiently long enough that no one reads this blog anymore.  I don't know why I haven't written anything in so long.  I have written posts in my mind so many times this past year.  I had things to say!  I have things to say!!  I just didn't say them.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Something about the act of sitting down and writing what I was thinking seemed useless and then I was reminded why I'm grateful this is just a hobby for me and that I don't get payed for it and that people don't expect me to write anything because they would have been sorely disappointed.  Now let's get down to the meat of this post.  The very thing that got me writing again.

My wardrobe.

That's right.  Clothes.  My clothes to be specific.  My closet FULL of clothes bursting at the seams with the shoes and jewelry to go with it.

And how I have nothing to wear for my upcoming vacation.

To Europe.

And not just anywhere in Europe, Spain.  The land of my forefathers who would never be caught dead in half of my wardrobe.  A place where your grandma wears pearls and a sweater-set to the grocery store.  And I have great clothes.  Cute clothes.  Even chic sometimes clothes.  I mean, they better be cute to me or why do I own them?!

But they aren't good enough.  For some reason I am freaking out over 7 days in Spain.  5 days that will be spent with my relatives in Northern Spain who let's be honest, don't dress that well.  But I have to.   I have to look effortless and pulled together and like I don't live on the street or have my belongings stuffed into a duffle bag.  And my kid has to look fan-freaking-tastic or they will think we are poor and don't know how to take care of him.  Seriously.  My mom even bought him new shoes so they won't think we are totally inept at childcare and living in a box.  Our wardrobe is a direct reflection of us and my entire family.  We have to look nice, but not too nice.  It's a complicated dance of textiles and I am LOSING MY MIND!

I have been mentally scanning my wardrobe for weeks now and have already started trying on different combinations but I have nothing.  Stylist block.  And the new center part, long-bang hair look I've been trying every which way to work is not working and I'm going to hack off some bangs tomorrow in preparation.

This will be the death of me.  My excitement for this adventure is all but gone with the wardrobe conundrum.  And I think I know the root of this stress.  I'm finally starting to fit into some of my old clothes but I'm not completely comfortable in them yet and my bigger clothes are too big and not that cute and I feel like Goldilocks without the third bear.  Everything is just a little too big or a little too small.  Nothing fits juuuuuusssst right.