Friday, September 28, 2007

I'm ready.....

To Date. I reemerged after this summer feeling not quite myself. After running a couple of red lights and getting lost on the way to Lowe's I realized the person I had once been was gone. I learned a lot about myself this summer and the things that I'm good at. I can will myself to do what needs to be done even when all I want to do is go home and sleep for three days. I have the strength to stand up to those who try to see how much they can get away with. I can put a smile on my face after receiving blow after blow and I like having a job, who knew? I started this school year much like any other buying books and finalizing my class schedule, but I still didn't feel like myself. And as the weeks passed I realized that the biggest change in me was the desire to date. This will only seem weird to those of you who don't know me very well. Sure, I have complained about everyone else having boyfriends and being lonely on the occasional Friday night but I never wanted to really have that. I'm not sure why, although my mothers voice whispering "you should date more" in my ear helps, but I feel like it now. So after careful consideration of sisters, friends, strangers, etc. I have decided yes - I DO want to date your brothers, neighbors, co-workers, nephews and mechanics. In the interest of avoiding creeps and selling myself too much I have opted out of a picture but here is some info.

About me:
I'm 25
In my last year at the Y studying Geography:Global Studies.
The idea of my next trip gets me out of bed and motivated.
I love sitting on the porch with friends more than almost any activity.
I have trouble falling asleep at night and dragging myself out of bed the next day.
I love to make and laugh at jokes that make you feel kind of terrible....but not enough to not share them.
I have great taste in music(see me for details)
I have a wardrobe to kill for.
I once let the song "TNT" by AC/DC inspire a haircut.
I'm excellent at quoting movies.
I love MTV reality shows.
I can bake and cook alongside the best of them...minus my eldest sister.
I struggle with simple math.
I like to learn pick-up lines in different languages.
I like to use pick-up lines in English.
I'm fairly bendy.
I like background noise.
I tan easily, and lose it just as fast.
I craved rootbeer for two months straight last year
I'm good with kids, but even I have my limits.
I am currently working on creative solutions for global issues such as: Romanian orphans, all things Chinese and how to settle once and for all who has the best health care system.
I excel at imitating people's walks.
I recently mastered liquid eyeliner(my biggest accomplishment of '07).
I met Pharrell.
I love gaudy catholic art - especially the wearable kind.
I hablo the Espanish.
Natural Brunette with an enviable profile.
Former excellent speller....I don't know what happened.
I could eat chips and salsa everyday.
I make and keep my new years resolutions (this years, which actually started a little early in September, is to watch more action movies).
I make a decent first impression which I usually ruin right away with sarcasm.
Once you get past that you end up loving me.

If this sounds like I'm selling myself I kind of am. Consider this a personal ad in one way or another. When I want something I tend to chase after it and then deal with the consequences. But even this doesn't seem worse then when I put up flyer's on campus to meet Mohawk Man. Just remember my idea of the perfect evening is dinner and then home. That way if things are going well you end it before someone says something stupid and if things are not going well you cut it off. Dinner and then home.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Creature of Habit

I like things to stay the same. I sit in the same place at the dinner table that I've always sat at, I put on my deodorant and lotion in the same order as I always have, I make sure the toilet paper and its holder face the same direction as usual. I just like consistency.

And I hate when someone messes things sitting in my place at the dinner table. "Move it cousin E. or I'm going to cut know I sit there".

This extends outside of home as well. I pick a seat in class the first day and I always sit there - ALWAYS. This usually is not a problem. Unstated class etiquette laws dictate that you just sit in the same place or very near to it, don't you think? Apparently not everyone feels the same way I do.

Thus begins the continuing saga of "Class Fight", a touching yet filled with hatred story of a young girls journey to sit in her rightful seat. Although the title may suggest an enriching story of a down-trodden peasant trying to work their way up through the grueling class system....its actually about me trying not to clothesline a classmate.
The players:LaQuina, Texas Josh and Smug Married.

Last week-

Incident 1: While sitting in my chair enduring a terrible lecture on Urban planning I readjusted my feet for the second time in 45min. on the book holder located below smug marrieds desk in front of me. There was no kicking, shaking or any otherwise obnoxious movement on the book holder coming from me. Me feet were just tired and wanted to move badly(maybe I have RLS). Immediately after the shift smug married turned around and said "can we NOT have the feet anymore?" in a very vicious tone. So much so that the guy next to me turned and mouthed "yikes" with a terrified face. Not wanting to draw attention to myself in front of "looks like you have something to say" teacher I held my tongue.

Incident 2: Two days later I resumed my usual seat in class as smug married made his way back to the scene of the crime. Wanting to avoid any more mouthed "yikes" in my direction I decided to be proactive and said "you might not want to sit there because I'm GONNA put my feet up again" to smug married. After shooting me a look he huffed his way up the row to the front and squatted there.

Incident 3: Thinking I had won the battle I went to class and waited patiently outside the door for the previous class to exit and that's when I noticed smug married on the opposite side of the door avoiding eye contact. As the last person stepped out of the class room I began to make my ascent until I was brutally interrupted by smug married bum-rushing the door and pushing me aside! Yeah, he actually rushed the door! And then proceeded to run mario brothers style with his little legs to sit in MY seat. Oh no you didn't! I was so shocked that I sat two seats away from him and made Texas Josh be no mans land in the middle. As Texas Josh took his place he leaned over and said "what's with this guy sitting here?" I tried to keep my voice hush as I described the ongoing feud with the Punk-ass smug married. I could barely control myself and tried to keep my rage blackout at bay.

This week-
Incident 4: We were both late to class on Monday and thus had to sit in different areas, sort of like an unsanctioned cease-fire. Lucky for him I was not close enough to whisper "I'm going to break your freakin knee caps if you ever do that again" into his ear. But I thought about how good that would feel.

Incident 5: Smug married once again resumed his place opposite the class door as people exited and once again bum-rushed the door choosing to sit in the back but one seat over from my usual. I think he can feel my barely controlled urge to see blood on the SWKT floor.

This battle is far from over - I can feel it. Can you believe this guy? Little does he know the kind of things I went through this summer. It would be nothing for me to shave my head, start doing push-ups and pull-ups and throwing myself over walls after crawling through the mud and rain to prove myself in the armed forces. Wait......that's GI Jane. But seriously, I lived in LA this summer. That Ese better watch his back or I will go Guadalajara on his ass.

Stay tuned for the next class period....

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

There are many things that I learned on my weekend trip to Honduras that I wanted to bring back with me like how to zip-line through the jungle and eat off the street without losing my insides. But as I left Central America with all this new information to share I realized that I was more full of questions about American life. Why do we do things the way we do? Isn't there a better way? There are so many things that I want to start doing the third-world way. Here is a list:
>glass shards on the top of fences - it really keeps the riff-raff out and looks so pretty in the sunlight
>packing people into cars - there is totally enough room, isn't that what carpooling is all about?
>buying underwear off the street...literally off the street - if you know anything about having a good time its going to end up there anyways
>returning glass bottles on the spot to the neighborhood store to get your next beverage cheaper - who wants the 5cent recycle price anyway, but who doesn't want another Fanta limon?
>a sing-along party soundtrack starring Celine Dion and Michael Bolton - you know why
>no crosswalks - really you should just be able to walk whenever and wherever you want
>and the best one of all.....Live advertisements at gas stations! At first you think that the above video is just some awesome dancers doing their thing. Until you realize that they are really dancing in front of a gas station......and they really cant dance (especially the chica on the far left) - I really don't think Americans would mind the high gas prices so much if they had this to take their mind off how much they were spending.

So Gracias Honduras for showing me a better way. Soon enough we will all be dumping our garbage in the nearest river instead of overflowing our landfills!

My Sixth Sense

How do I know things? I just know. Like today for example when I was getting dressed and opted out of a cute little pink sweater vest in favor of this short-sleeve sweater that hasn't seen the light of day in a year. I didn't know why it felt so right until I got to school and discovered that it was National Speak Like a Pirate Day. How did I know? I just do.
Another thing I just know is how to spot a 'bro'. You know, the guys who cannot say hello without first saying "hey bro" aka the "yeah dudes".
Example....."yeah dude, that intramural football game was soooo sweet bra" or "hey bro, my buddies and I are going to long board down the canyon tonight....its soooo sick".
You get the picture. I just know 'em when I see 'em. And today was no exception. The following is my conversation with my "bro" class friend.
"Hey, I didn't even know that it was nat'l speak like a pirate day and look what I wore! See! That guy that just walked in is wearing a pirate hat and wig!"
Bro: "yeah....that guy is the reason I just dont fit in at BYU"
"what are you talking about?"
Bro: "well I live with all these guys from UVSC and they always apologize to people we meet that I go to BYU because I dont act like anyone at BYU because I'm cooler"
"but you seem like the typical BYU guy to me"
Bro: "No way, thats not who I am"
"Then who are you?"
Bro: "I dont want to talk about this right now"
"But I think you're pretty typical of this school you seem like a just another dude to me, don't you want to defend yourself?"
Bro: " I don't have to defend who I am to anyone"
"True.....but the other day on our homework you actually answered the question who is John Harris? with 'that dude who...'. And you say buddy and bro all the time. Do you call people 'boss'?"
Bro: "No, I hate when people say that"
" seem to fit in just fine to me"
And its not just conversations that give away the 'Bro" in people. Their dress says more than words ever can. White K-Swiss, cargo shorts, polo or any skate T-shirt. Which is exactly what class 'Bro' friend was wearing. You are what you are bro, just embrace it.
How do I know you are a Bro? I just do.