HOLD PLEASE

I don't think I've ever had to say "wait, wait......what happened?" more in my life. And in this case the answer is never a funny story or anecdote of the days events.
For example, "wait, wait....what happened? Who gave who the heimlich? Ok, so the teacher gave a student the heimlich when he choked on chocolate milk? But chocolate milk is a liquid. Wait, wait....so you are saying that he was coughing and she could kind of hear him talking? And she still gave him the heimlich? OK. Thanks for telling me.......(then I pause)". Don't think that example adequately gets across what I am experiencing?
Here is another one; "wait, wait.....what happened? The nurse is refusing to administer Benadryl to a student? But she's the nurse. She said what? OK. Did mom say give her Benadryl? I'll be right there".
And more............"wait, wait....what happened?"
"OK. slow down. Who couldn't get a bed time story? Wait, so who hung-up on her dad? So she's doing what in the hall? Wait, she is storming around the hall and screaming right now? As in through those doors next to me? People outside can hear? I'll be right there."
"Alright, so you are telling me your crazy friend is a welder and welded her cheating fiance into his house? Uh, I think you need new friends." (wow, I'm really glad you are working for me....)
"OK sir. You are telling me that because facilities close at 4:30pm you can't get us a rollaway bed for one of our kids? But we called you before 12pm. Are you saying we actually have to have them sleep on the floor? I cannot believe no one has keys to that office......no one on this entire campus? Is that a joke?"

I find myself constantly saying to myself and those around me "is this a joke? are you joking?" It just seems to be the perfect reply to anything I have heard spoken to me the last 5 days. I wish I could adequately describe that gut wrenching full of knots feeling I have when people get on the radio and I can just tell in their voice that something isn't right. I imagine its what you feel when you realize that one of your kids is gone........only I have 130 kids to feel that with. My stomache hurts.

And no, this is NOT a joke......this is my life. Think you know the real Laquina? Think again.

HIBERNATION

The next couple weeks will be an experiment in living for me. In a couple days I will up the 13 hours a day I work to 16 hour (on a good day) days. I will also get to see what happens when others who can't handle the 13 hr days have to increase hours. I promise there will be plenty of stories about co-workers and students to lighten all your days. This also means that I now begin to hibernate and will generally be unavailable. Just remember, its not that I don't like you......I just don't have time for you.

The good news is that I have instilled a "Would you rather" moment at the end of every training day segment chosen by yours truly! No one loves to contemplate the ramifications of being a human pinata or slapping everyone that talks to you more than me - and I choose slapping. Reason: I think about slapping a lot of people on a daily basis and this just gives me an excuse.