jetsetgreen

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Creature of Habit

I like things to stay the same. I sit in the same place at the dinner table that I've always sat at, I put on my deodorant and lotion in the same order as I always have, I make sure the toilet paper and its holder face the same direction as usual. I just like consistency.

And I hate when someone messes things up.....like sitting in my place at the dinner table. "Move it cousin E. or I'm going to cut you....you know I sit there".

This extends outside of home as well. I pick a seat in class the first day and I always sit there - ALWAYS. This usually is not a problem. Unstated class etiquette laws dictate that you just sit in the same place or very near to it, don't you think? Apparently not everyone feels the same way I do.

Thus begins the continuing saga of "Class Fight", a touching yet filled with hatred story of a young girls journey to sit in her rightful seat. Although the title may suggest an enriching story of a down-trodden peasant trying to work their way up through the grueling class system....its actually about me trying not to clothesline a classmate.
The players:LaQuina, Texas Josh and Smug Married.

Last week-

Incident 1: While sitting in my chair enduring a terrible lecture on Urban planning I readjusted my feet for the second time in 45min. on the book holder located below smug marrieds desk in front of me. There was no kicking, shaking or any otherwise obnoxious movement on the book holder coming from me. Me feet were just tired and wanted to move badly(maybe I have RLS). Immediately after the shift smug married turned around and said "can we NOT have the feet anymore?" in a very vicious tone. So much so that the guy next to me turned and mouthed "yikes" with a terrified face. Not wanting to draw attention to myself in front of "looks like you have something to say" teacher I held my tongue.

Incident 2: Two days later I resumed my usual seat in class as smug married made his way back to the scene of the crime. Wanting to avoid any more mouthed "yikes" in my direction I decided to be proactive and said "you might not want to sit there because I'm GONNA put my feet up again" to smug married. After shooting me a look he huffed his way up the row to the front and squatted there.

Incident 3: Thinking I had won the battle I went to class and waited patiently outside the door for the previous class to exit and that's when I noticed smug married on the opposite side of the door avoiding eye contact. As the last person stepped out of the class room I began to make my ascent until I was brutally interrupted by smug married bum-rushing the door and pushing me aside! Yeah, he actually rushed the door! And then proceeded to run mario brothers style with his little legs to sit in MY seat. Oh no you didn't! I was so shocked that I sat two seats away from him and made Texas Josh be no mans land in the middle. As Texas Josh took his place he leaned over and said "what's with this guy sitting here?" I tried to keep my voice hush as I described the ongoing feud with the Punk-ass smug married. I could barely control myself and tried to keep my rage blackout at bay.

This week-
Incident 4: We were both late to class on Monday and thus had to sit in different areas, sort of like an unsanctioned cease-fire. Lucky for him I was not close enough to whisper "I'm going to break your freakin knee caps if you ever do that again" into his ear. But I thought about how good that would feel.

Incident 5: Smug married once again resumed his place opposite the class door as people exited and once again bum-rushed the door choosing to sit in the back but one seat over from my usual. I think he can feel my barely controlled urge to see blood on the SWKT floor.

This battle is far from over - I can feel it. Can you believe this guy? Little does he know the kind of things I went through this summer. It would be nothing for me to shave my head, start doing push-ups and pull-ups and throwing myself over walls after crawling through the mud and rain to prove myself in the armed forces. Wait......that's GI Jane. But seriously, I lived in LA this summer. That Ese better watch his back or I will go Guadalajara on his ass.

Stay tuned for the next class period....

4 comments:

Carina said...

Cholla.

La Yen said...

The English Majors had a code, I think. It involved always sitting in the same place. ALWAYS. Too bad we can't do anything with out degrees.

Momoko Photography said...

yeeeaah! boyeee!

Fig said...

If I were you, my aim would be get-to-class-before-him-somehow-and-put-a-thumbtack-in-his-seat or something. Less dramatic than the clothesline but may still put blood on the floor.