See this guy? Take a good long look at him. Take in the ultra side-parted hair and high school t-shirt. Just imagine the metallic braces hiding behind that innocent smile. Picture him face-planting on the lane while bowling under the name "Lord Bane". This naive, sweet boy was the target of a cruel, cruel joke - perpetrated by none other than me. See, there are a number of sweet awkward freshmen in my bowling class that I have befriended. I love them, plain and simple. I remember when I was a freshmen and the upperclassmen took me under their wings and now I'm just trying to repay the favor. It was Thursday and we were being given a lesson on how to maximize our bowling game by spiffing-up our shoe rentals. We were presented with small wirey brushes to scrape the bottom of our shoes with to remove excess gunk before lightly dusting them with sawdust to help us glide down the wooden planks. Naturally everyone began to inspect the bottom of their shoes to see just how gross they were. The verdict: pretty gross. Suddenly I had a great idea! I approached Lord Bane and offered him a dollar to lick the bottom of his bowling shoes. He was a little hesitant, but I could tell he was thinking about it. "Show me the dollar" Lord Bane insisted. I went to my wallet and pulled out a not-so crisp dollar bill and went back. "Here you go" I said as I snapped the dollar back and forth in front of him. "Mmmmm" I said as I sniffed the dollar, "this smells like a nice snack for your enjoyment while bowling" I pushed. He looked, he pondered, he paused, he LICKED THE BOTTOM OF HIS BOWLING SHOES!!!! "That was AWESOME!" I assured him as I dutifully placed the dollar in front of him. And instead of laughing with me all the other bowling buddies began to chastise me. WTF!!! Who, when in the same situation, wouldn't have done the exact same thing as me? Am I the only one left who likes to offer money to do stupid things? "That was really mean" my other freshmen said. "What do you mean?" I asked. "No one forced him to do it. I gave him the money" I said defending myself. And sure enough, everyone else I have told has had nearly the same reaction. Is it because I'm a girl? Is there a double-standard for gross bets too? I'm sick of this. What's next? Being looked down on for wearing old spice deodorant?
5 comments:
They have no senses of humor; also, they are stupid.
I wouldn't have licked the shoe, but I totally would have offered someone a buck to do it.
Gary owes me 5 bucks for drinking a ramekin of green chile hot salsa at a restaurant.
I owe Bob 10 bucks for walking out in front of everyone in a banana hammock.
I once got a dollar...ok so it was last year at the hollywood house I got a dollar to smack a few guys on the butt. I fell over right behind them and they turned around and saw me.
I'm still laughing.
Losers look down on other people. Remember that. But when I look down on other people it's totally different.
You know what, this straight-a-way reminded me of an experience in Junior High where I licked the bus floor for some gum. It was totally worth it. Do I even need to explain? It was my ticket to popularity.
It's all about personal choice. He chose to lick the shoes. Now if you had held his face up to the shoe and forced him to lick it. Then I would call you mean. Maybe. Depends on what he did to deserve it.
Dumb freshmen. He should have held out for at least 2 dollars.
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