Bite Me

It seems that I incurred the wrath of the animal kingdom this week. Why? I watch Life. I appreciate and fear all things animal - especially Hippos because did you know they are actually really dangerous and want to kill you? Yeah.

We were over at a friends house Monday night and his kitty, if you can call the killer that, decided to deceive me by being all lovable and soft and then after a few minutes decided that I was now prey and began to bite me. And as I watched she did it to everyone else. Including our friend who feeds and houses it - which now explains the scars all over his hands. What? Isn't there a cat whisperer somewhere who can help?

Then on Tuesday I went to another friends house to plan a baby shower and their puppy was so excited to see me that it piddled all over the floor. Once again it was so loving and cuddly and then the switch happened. It began to naw on me and when I made her stop she turned to chewing my shoes with my feet still in inside. What? And when that was stopped she began chewing on my gorgeous grey sweater coat. Not OK. But what are you supposed to do? You are at someone's house being attacked by their animal, it's not like you can kick it.

Or can you?

You may think its cute that your dog is chewing on my sweater and has destroyed your pillows and defecated on the floor but I just go into terminator mode in my head and through my eyes I see the target in night vision and begin to seek and destroy. If your animal can't behave itself when company comes over then put it in a different room. Unless you don't want anyone to come over anymore and voila! As you wish.

And to make matters worse Ricky waited until the next day to notify me that "cat scratch fever" is actually a really serious disease that you can catch. And to think all these years I just thought Ted Nugent was really creative - which he still is. Hello, he's Ted Nugent.