You can do it

We were watching an episode of "This American Life" where a father was waiting for his son to get home from Iraq. And he was waiting with his wife and all sorts of other families and friends waiting for their loved ones. And that's when it hit me.

Am I going to have to do this?

I have seen scenes like this over and over on TV full of tearful reunions and even more tears of reunions that will never be. But it never hit me until the other night that my future might be just like that.

Ricky signed up for the Air Force. A decision that he pondered long and hard over and one that we fought long and hard over as well. I didn't want to have anything to do with the military and especially if it involved my husband in it. In my mind it was something necessary for our country but I wanted it to be far away from me.

But in the end when he and then subsequently me, realized what his education was going to cost we decided that no, we did NOT want to "buy" a house that we would never see. It was just too overwhelming to imagine taking on that kind of debt if we could avoid it.

So he applied and he actually got it which was an honor really because they don't give out the Air Force scholarships like candy. And it hasn't really changed our lives except for the monthly deposit which is made into our banking account to help with expenses. He doesn't have to do anything until he graduates but then we give them 3 years of our life.

With the way things are going and how they will probably continue on like this for a while it is almost guaranteed he will go somewhere (even though everyone assures us the Air Force has it better than everyone else).

Am I going to be waiting for a bus one day holding balloons and a welcome home sign?

I don't want to.