MAY-DAY! MAY-DAY!

Probably one of the worst things that could happen to me happened today.  About 5 min. ago.  I came home with a load of groceries and as I approached my door I saw a small dark lump in front of my door.  And as is customary for me here in Arizona I crept a little closer to inspect what kind of creature it could be.  And of course, what was it?  A GIANT MOTH.  It was was sitting there perched in front of my door like a guard dog for hire.  I had no idea what to do.  I had all these groceries and it was soo hot outside and I couldn't get in my house.  I put my groceries down and just stared at it for about 5 min. willing it to want to leave.  I didn't have anything good to throw at it really so first I chucked my empty horchata cup at it and barely missed and nothing.  So I looked for the next best thing and all I had were my receipts.  I crumpled one up and it landed right next to it and still nothing.  I tried my last receipt and it too had no effect.  I literally had nothing decent left to throw at it except a watermelon, yogurt or some eggs and those aren't things you ideally want to hurl at cement.  

All I had left besides my gorgeous blue leather purse which I was not going to sacrifice, people please!, was my new Instyle.  I remember looking at it at the grocery check stand and I thought no, I shouldn't.  But inspiration told me to do it and boy was inspiration right - that magazine saved my and my perishables life.  I hurled it and splat!  It landed right on top and I shuffled all the groceries in the house safely and successfully.  Only, what now?  I had my brand new magazine brimming full of beautiful things and it was the gatekeeper for the newly obliterated intruder.  So I got my broom and tried to flip it over from a distance.  After shuffling a bit around the hallway outside my door I finally succeeded in getting it flip and as it did little moth body parts began to fall everywhere.  It's not my fault, it had its chance to live.  And then I had no choice but to rip off the back cover and throw it away, RIP Gucci ad.  

I know this all sound highly unrational but it's my cross to bear.  As I wrote this I was getting sickening waves of painful goose-bumps cascading up and down my arms and legs.  I think I need a break from all the excitement this afternoon.